The answer to our MUST-society



What is the role of touch in haptonomy?

We live in a must-society. The message we constantly receive is: we MUST perform at work, we MUST be a good wife, we MUST look good, we MUST, MUST,MUST. Our feelings tell us we are tired, or that something just does not feel right, but after years of intensive training we learn to shut that feeling out. Rationality is the key, our head is where everything is decided with no second opinions is asked. We also live in a society where more and more people experience a burn-out, are depressed, where women want to get baby’s with anaesthesia just not to feel pain and where parents do not connect with their children. All of this is explained by using logical argumentations. But we tend to ignore the fact that we had warning signs before things became so bad. Before the burn out you already felt tired and just completely done with what your were doing.
Nevertheless you had to continue because our society expects you to perform. Parents are surprised that they do not understand their children, while they had merely any contact with them when they were little. Television replaced actual contact and they grew up without the necessary interaction.
Interesting think is that we all know what is right for us when we are little. Why is it that a baby cries on the lap of one grandpa and not on the other’s? They rely on the fact that they feel a difference in the intention of the action and react by crying. Also as a baby you tend to touch everything around you to learn what it is. Just seeing something is not enough, no you want to grab it with your hand and squeeze it.

It is important to point out that haptonomy is nothing supernatural or new. The most surprising thing is that it is so basic and that everyone knows what it is and have experienced it in the past. But because of it is so simple it is not understood. Our logic tells us that it is not possible to have such a simple solutions for problems that seems so complicated. Our instinct in case of problems is to get into defence. Put all our energy in protecting ourselves from the problem and get as far as possible from it. While our body tells us that it is too exhausting to do that. Haptonomy will not be the answer to the problem, but it will guide you on a path to understand and face the problem differently. The problem will still be there but you will be different and that will be an essential change.

To understand haptonomy you have to know some basic rules. First, you do not have to do anything. So no musts. Second, you are able to face everything on you own, but that does not mean that you have to be alone while doing that. And finally third, it is ok to trust your touch and feeling. This brings me to my problem formulation; ‘What is the role of touch in haptonomy?’
After conducting both a literature research and interviews I found complimentary arguments that support touch being the core concept in haptonomy. But is not merely the action, of for example placing the hand on the back of the person, but the feeling and experience with which it is intertwined. By touching someone on his back and asking him to be aware of this contact you let a person experience something. The person is first only aware of the fact that there is a hand on his back, but when he feels deeper he will be aware of the arm that is attached to that hand and the person of who the hand is. Instead of thinking about contact, you will feel and experience it, and this will leave a mark in your memory. This might all sound rather strange and I must say that I can understand why.
Haptonomy is not something you can learn or understand just by reading about it, no it is an experience you have to undergo. During the second interview my informant showed me some basic exercises that made me understand what touch can do without it being logical. When I was on the bed my self, she asked me to feel my legs and I could clearly feel the points that were touching the bed, my upper legs, my knees and the top of my feet, but not the rest. Then she rubbed my leg from top to bottom and a weird thing happened, compared to my other leg this leg felt heavier and now I could feel my whole leg. Of course this is merely a small example of touch but you can try and imagine how it works once you touch the actual centre of your body.
We tend to focus so much on our mind that our body is disconnected from it. Although our body had the ground intelligence. It tells us when it is cold, hot, but also when something feels nice or not. But by not focussing on the body and what feelings certain touches entail we miss some important signals. By bringing our attention back to the centre of our body we restore the connection of our body. And perhaps it could have been done without touching the person, but it would be a lot harder. Imagine someone describing you what you should feel and then imagine him just showing you how it feels by actually letting you experience it. The experience is exactly what haptonomy is about. Experiencing the importance of your own feelings and the information that our body provides is. We seem to have buried our ground intelligence and replaced it with artificial intelligence that is called logic.
The sense of touch is fundamental to our existence. We are all born with the ability to feel something in an interaction. By giving someone a hug, by shaking someone’s hand. But we perform the action without the right feeling behind it. The reason that the role of touch is so essential in haptonomy is because it is important in our everyday life. We tend to mix up independence and being alone. It is important to be independent, but that does not mean that we do not need other people surrounding us to support us. Sometimes you need a hug and sometimes a touch can feel very wrong, but it is ok to feel that and it is important to be aware of the different feelings we experience in order to keep being connected with our body, the people surrounding us and our environment.

Personal note

The whole research has been an amazing experience. In a few weeks I went from knowing nothing what so ever about haptonomy to actually experiencing the concept. The interviews were so interesting, but also it was lots of fun conducting them. I never thought that I would like it that much. Finally I must say that now I know more about the haptonomy it was quite an eye opener for me. I was also fascinated by our anti-social society. I thought that it was incredible how little we can interact in such a crowded world. But of course that does not happen without problems. Depressions, burn-outs and severe loneliness became normal in our life. Haptonomy is so basic that we tend to overlook it’s importance. It is sad to acknowledge the fact that we need help to become in contact with our body and the people around us. But it is still true. Therefore I would want to conclude that haptonomy should be something that every person has tried at least once. Perhaps it would make us realize that were are going in the wrong direction on an extremely high speed and we are shutting out our seatbelt (our feelings) that were always there to protect us. We need to touch and feel, because our ground intelligence is there for a reason and it will never be replaced by logic.
Finally, I would like to genuinely thank my informants, for their time, dedication and willingness to make me understand the essence of haptonomy.


By Anna Ozerova (student of the Roosevelt Academy, Middelburg)